Parisians are proving that it's all a farce and a farce, as coffee shops across the Olympic host city were busted trying to lure unsuspecting Australian tourists with fake flat whites.
An iconic Australian drink has made its way onto the menu in Paris, France, where it costs around $4, alongside cappuccinos and other traditional Australian caffeine drinks such as the Noisette (espresso shot with foamed milk).
The only problem is, they are fake flats, big fake foam slippers.
“The flat white is becoming a global drink and more and more coffee shops and bistros are deciding to put it on their menus because they see it as a value item but not many of them know how to make coffee,” says Fox McInerney, a Melbourne native who moved to Paris 14 years ago and opened Good News Coffee, a cafe that sells a flat white for €5.
The reason he moved to the city was simple: “I love cheese, wine and bread.”
But there was a problem. The coffee was terrible. “I had to fix it.”
His solo mission is admirable, but fake flats keep popping up all over town like a caffeinated game of whack-a-mole.
There are several problems with French toast machines, including overheating, excessive foaming, and most often coming from machines with one-touch buttons, such as the 7-11.
At this chic restaurant near the Arc de Triomphe, behind a beautiful red awning and cute rattan chairs, there's a dark secret hidden in the menu.
“Cappuccino/Latte/Flat White”
These three drinks are listed as if they are interchangeable – they have different names but refer to the same drink.
Order food: Cappuccino and flat white
When the drinks arrived, they all looked the same. The inferior drinks were no different from the regular brown chocolate-topped drinks.
How can you miss such a chic city?
“Paris is famous for its coffee culture, but the coffee here is not good,” says Jay Swanson, a YouTuber who posts videos about Paris (“Helping Australians find a good latte”).
“There is a culture here that sees coffee as medicine. It is important for the French to take up space in a coffee shop and take it slow. What’s in the cup doesn’t matter to them.
“If you go to America and they’re happy with their box wine, they don’t know the difference between a Malbec and a Merlot. To them, coffee is just a commodity.”
When Australian books editor Richard Bilkey first moved to the French capital a decade ago, he noticed that the city had a real coffeehouse culture, but “the coffee was terrible.”
“The French don’t want to pay more than a euro for an espresso,” he said.
“A cup of coffee is just a cheap brown liquid that you buy and smash at the bar.”
But over the years, he noticed that flat whites were also on the menu.
“There were a lot of shops that said they had flat white but didn’t know what it was or what it was made of. Now they know they have to say they have flat white but they don’t know how to do it.”
“You got it, drank it…”
He didn't finish the sentence, but instead let out a sound that could only be described in two words: “Very disgusting.”
Facebook: @hellojamesweir
